Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Difficult to Trust

Life doesn't always go as you want it to go.  Sometimes, you try to control things and try to force things a certain way.  But you cannot always control what happens in your life because you are not in this world all by yourself.  You share it with the people around you and they influence you and if you let them in, they can change the course of your life whether you like it or not.

I didn't always want to be a pastor.  Actually, for the longest time, I wanted to be an airline pilot.  "This is your captain speaking ... " but because at the time my eyesight wasn't good enough (.4 of to be exact) of what was the allowable limit at that time in aviation transportation, I didn't get to follow my dream.  I was disappointed for years.  I was even lost about what to do.  There were a couple of times when I heard God calling me into ministry, but I wanted to be a pilot ... not a pastor.

The thing is, I chose to submit my will to God's will when I became a Christ-follower.  That meant that I had to let Christ in.  That meant that I was giving up my will for His will for my life.  He wanted me to be a pastor ... and after some stubborn arguing with God, I wound up eventually going to Bible School and now find myself enjoy ministry in a church as an Associate Pastor.

I also let someone else into my life who I eventually married.  That didn't go as I had planned either.  I had expected it to be a husband and a father but because of situations beyond my control all that came to an abrupt end and finalized with divorce.  Those are the moments that are hardest to accept.  Those are the moments when you are challenged the most.  I would love to say that I came out of it with flying colours, but it took a while for me to bounce back from that situation.

The truth in all of that was that God never left me.  He never abandoned me in my struggle.  He allowed me to go down the road that I went, and even though I didn't know it, He was still with me!  That's because God loves me just like he loves you!

After my separation I had resigned from the church where I was a Youth Pastor.  That was just one more thing that I never expected that I would have to do in my life.  However, in doing so, I had the distinct privilege of speaking one more time to an amazing youth group.  The words that I left with them which still stick with me today are from Proverbs 3.  Verses five through seven say,
 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
      do not depend on your own understanding.
 6 Seek his will in all you do,
      and he will show you which path to take.
 7 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom.
      Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
Little did I know that God was going to use those words which I was leaving for the youth to bring me back to a place where He could once again impart into my life and lead me.  I learned what God's Grace is really all about and I was humbled.

If you are going through a struggle, a situation that is impossible, or a low spot in the journey of your life, please realize that you do not walk alone.  God is with you!  He is standing right beside you and He is there whether you are aware of His presence or not.  Don't give up!  Keep trusting God to lead you and look to Him because He will direct your path!  Press on!


  1. Dean, your words always speak truth to me because you have lived them. Thank you for your honestly and vulnerability. You are a David. I needed to hear these words today because I feel like I am "at a low spot in the journey of life." Thank you. Nicole

  2. Thank you for your encouragement in this entry. I am going through a difficult time right now. This is a hard journey, hard to trust God but that is all I can do.